Map Database  •  FAQ  •  RSS  •  Login

English TPR briefings

<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 12 Nov 2011, 21:37

I used scoundrels' rule, think it might be better since I'm not too sure rebels would have a single leader.

I used that, but changed "has" to "have". :wink:
Even better :wink:

I got some feedback from my mum:
Have taken out a couple of words and underlined things that don't sound right. Don't use "ye" for the, use it to mean "you". You put "we hast" somewhere and I've lost it now that needs changing [I assume this refers to the "our enemy hast..." which we already changed]. It's I have thou hast, he/she hath, we/they have. To give a more archaic feel you may consider trying to include more old words like twain - 2; betwixt - between, beseech...travail...etc.

The stuff I have underlined try and think of a better word. For example sway thy priority is a curious mixture of ancient and modern! let me know what changes you make. haven't checked it very thoroughly so will check it again post -changes if you want.

---------------------

Verily, our situation is grave. The renegades are oppressing the last of the commoners that still abide loyal to thy king, shamelessly butchering them, defenceless as they be. Thou must perforce put a stop to this! Make haste to defend thy subjects and then indeed shall these dastardly defectors pay for what they have done!


Thou hast done well, but many a commoner is still imprisoned under the clutches of the rebels. Perchance thou canst soon concentrate thine efforts on freeing the remaining villages. Our spies report that one last wave of rebels is approaching thy current position from the north. Push them back to that from whence they came!


Victory is ours! Thou shalt use this small window of time to build thy torched towns anew. Squander no time, as thou soon needs to sway thy priority into liberating the occupied settlements nigh to the north. Let not the commoners of these settlements come to harm. They are citizens of thine own, being coerced to follow the renegade rule by the flagitious soldiers stationed there. Thou must needs defeat these soldiers, and these soldiers only, to free thy subjects.


Our spies hath sighted marching enemy troops in the settlements nigh. This doth mean that thine enemy hath indeed captured even these settlements and turned them into military encampments. Thou must needs rid these rebellious soldiers from the land that is rightfully thine and destroy any military buildings they have erected. And forget not, thou shouldst not let any commoners come in harm's way.


Thy last victory hath stirred up the rebels and even now a huge army is marching toward a local village. Thou shalt help these defenceless commoners and not let the town fall. Repel thine enemy!


Thy previous attacks hath indeed driven back the scoundrels. Howsoever, thy scouts report that the rebels hath erected new encampments overnight that pose a great threat to the safety of thy commoners. Thou shalt remove these encampments from the surroundings but utterly. Perchance thou canst also use this opportunity to secure new iron mines; thy last battles hath emptied our coffers of that which thou art in dire need.


Soon thou shalt once again turn thine attention into hunting down further encampments of ye scoundrels. More urgent matters currently press upon thee, as thy lands in the south have been overrun. Thou shalt eradicate these settlements, using the iron ore that thy stalwart troops hath secured in our last battle to strengthen thine army. Thine iron supplies art limited, so use them wisely.


Thou must make haste! During thy last attack, thou hast tasked nigh all thy soldiers to support thy cause, leaving thy main bastion undefended. Seditious commoners of thine hath dispatched this information to the wicked renegades and they even now prepareth an attack against thee! Thou must return with all thy speed if thou art to arrive before the scoundrels hath breached thy fortress.


Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels hath indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thou in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrel's rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and thine adversaries defences shalt be highly superior, but thou hast knowledge of the terrain that can be used to thine advantage. Attack not the main gate, but search for alternate routes.
I suggest producing another draft of each of them, addressing any issues, then I'll send them off again for more feedback... I can come up with drafts myself sometime but no time now unfortunately, lots of work to do :(
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 14 Nov 2011, 20:05

I think I've fixed all the wrong conjugations by now, but in case you still manage to catch some don't hesitate to point them out.

As for the notes provided by your mother, I'm assuming the ye/the thing is because there probably wasn't any real time period when they were both being used (not to mention that the "y" in "ye" is actually a "?", so you still say it as "the").

Rechecking the original TSK scripts, ye is used a total of 4 times. One of them is "ye olde" which is a special case and doesn't really count and it's also once used as the formal old "you" (which also doesn't count). But it's also used 2 times simply as a substitute for "the". Guess they should also be changed to "the".

As for the other notes:
sway thy priority -> sway thine efforts
flagitious -> caitiff (I know it has an entirely different meaning, but mainly looking for something oldish and insulting)
tasked nigh -> sent nigh (couldn't come up with anything more creative)
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 14 Nov 2011, 21:37

As for the notes provided by your mother, I'm assuming the ye/the thing is because there probably wasn't any real time period when they were both being used (not to mention that the "y" in "ye" is actually a "?", so you still say it as "the").

Rechecking the original TSK scripts, ye is used a total of 4 times. One of them is "ye olde" which is a special case and doesn't really count and it's also once used as the formal old "you" (which also doesn't count). But it's also used 2 times simply as a substitute for "the". Guess they should also be changed to "the".
According to wikipedia, "The use of the term "Ye" to represent an Early Modern English form of the word "the" (traditionally pronounced /?i&#720;/), such as in "Ye Olde Shoppe", is incorrect."
I think it's a common mistake, which explains why it exists in the original KaM as well.
sway thy priority -> sway thine efforts
This sounds good
flagitious -> caitiff (I know it has an entirely different meaning, but mainly looking for something oldish and insulting)
I think "caitiff" is a noun, and what we really want is an adjective... to be honest, the internet's telling me "flagitious" is a perfectly valid adjective, so I'll call my mum up on that.
tasked nigh -> sent nigh (couldn't come up with anything more creative)
I think the problem here may be the way in which "nigh" is used, rather than "tasked". I'll find out :)
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 15 Nov 2011, 14:22

According to wikipedia, "The use of the term "Ye" to represent an Early Modern English form of the word "the" (traditionally pronounced /?iː/), such as in "Ye Olde Shoppe", is incorrect."
I think it's a common mistake, which explains why it exists in the original KaM as well.
"Ye" was used in writing back in the day, this paragraph sums up what I've been able to find out. But I agree that using "ye" interchangeably with "the" would probably not be such a good idea after all. I think the "ye olde" could be kept though as it's such a common expression giving this oldish feel.
I think "caitiff" is a noun, and what we really want is an adjective... to be honest, the internet's telling me "flagitious" is a perfectly valid adjective, so I'll call my mum up on that.
According to Wiktionary you can also use it as an adjective (and the available quote actually has the text "caitiff scouts" so "caitiff soldiers" should be fine).
I think the problem here may be the way in which "nigh" is used, rather than "tasked". I'll find out :)
You're probably right since I looked up the word "task" and it has apparently been inherited from Middle English. But then again if it's the word nigh, it is used in a very similar situation in the following sentence in the TSK script
"The enemy torched it ruthlessly and killed nigh all who dwelt there."


By the way, there's one occurrence of "ye" used in the place of "the" in the TSK briefings (mission 15) and also one occurrence of "willst" being used instead of the proper "wilt" (mission 18). Should the text versions be fixed? (Since the differences in the pronunciations are not all that big I think most people wouldn't even notice the difference and even if they did it could also be considered a slip of the tongue.)
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 15 Nov 2011, 17:58

Ok, I've sent the briefings off again, and I've questioned "flagitious" and "tasked nigh", as I saw nothing wrong with them :)

If there is a good reason why we shouldn't use flagitious, then I suppose we can use caitiff (I've sent that off as well, so if it's wrong, we should be alerted of it).

I took the briefings from the front page, but I'm not sure they're all totally up to date. Before I sent them I made a few adjustments, some of which we had already discussed, i.e. "butchering them, defenceless as they stand" -> "butchering the defenceless villagers".

I also noticed a few more things, and made changes accordingly:

* "hath" should only be used for singular nouns, so "they hath" or "the rebels hath" is incorrect
* "thine adversaries defences shall be highly superior" -> "the defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior" (if not this, an apostrophe should at least be added)
* Possibly a few other small things...

I believe these to be the latest versions, incorporating all the changes you have made to the ones on the front page, all of the changes we have discussed, and my latest changes. I could have easily missed something out though, so please let me know if you agree:
  Code:
    Verily, our situation is grave. The renegades are oppressing the last of the commoners that still belive loyal to thy king, shamelessly butchering the defenceless villagers. Thou must perforce put a stop to this! Make haste to defend thy subjects and then indeed shall these dastardly defectors pay for what they have done!     Thou hast done well, but many a commoner is still imprisoned under the clutches of the rebels. Perchance thou canst soon concentrate thine efforts on freeing the remaining villages. Our spies report that one last wave of rebels is approaching thy current position from the north. Push them back to that from whence they came!     Victory is ours! Thou shalt use this small window of time to build thy torched towns anew. Squander no time, as thou soon needs to sway thine efforts into liberating the occupied settlements nigh to the north. Let not the commoners of these settlements come to harm. They are subjects of thine own, being coerced to follow the renegade rule by the caitiff soldiers stationed there. Thou must needs defeat these soldiers, and these soldiers only, to free thy subjects.     Our spies have sighted marching enemy troops in the settlements nigh. This doth mean that thine enemy hath indeed captured even these settlements and turned them into military encampments. Thou must needs rid these rebellious soldiers from the land that is rightfully thine and destroy any military buildings they have erected. And forget not, thou shouldst not let any commoners come in harms way.     Thy last victory hath stirred up the rebels and even now a huge army is marching toward a local village. Thou shalt help these defenceless commoners and not let the town fall. Repel thine enemy!     Thy previous attacks have indeed driven back the scoundrels. Howsoever, thy scouts report that the rebels hath erected new encampments overnight that pose a great threat to the safety of thy commoners. Thou shalt remove these encampments from the surroundings but utterly. Perchance thou canst also use this opportunity to secure new iron mines; thy last battles hath emptied our coffers of that which thou art in dire need.     Soon thou shalt once again turn thine attention into hunting down further encampments of the scoundrels. More urgent matters currently press upon thee, as thy lands in the south have been overrun. Thou shalt eradicate these settlements, using the iron ore that thy stalwart troops have secured in our last battle to strengthen thine army. Thine iron supplies art limited, so use them wisely.     Thou must make haste! During thy last attack, thou hast tasked nigh all thy soldiers to support thy cause, leaving thy main bastion undefended. Seditious commoners of thine have dispatched this information to the wicked renegades and they even now prepareth an attack against thee! Thou must return with all thy speed if thou art to arrive afore the scoundrels hath breached thy fortress.     Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thou in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and the defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior, but thou hast knowledge of the terrain that can be used to thine advantage. Attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.     In thy glorious reconquest of thy castle, thou hast managed to capture some of the rebels. Through extortion, we have managed to retrieve information vital to thy quest. The renegades have a bastion far to the northeast, through an underground pass that leadeth through the steep mountains. Thou must needs find this pass, and defeat any rebels guarding it.     Scouts of thine have performed initial reconnaissance of the newly discovered pass and report that the winding tunnels are being guarded by the wicked scoundrels. Thou shalt perforce traverse through this pass to reach the other side of the mountains.     Thou hast successfully arrived through the mountains. Our scouts report that thine enemy is already aware of thee and verily prepareth an attack against thee. Make haste to strengthen thy defences by erecting watch towers. Once thou hast successfully eradicated the area of the enemy, thou canst continue thy glorious advance northward to the final bastion of the rebels![/quote] Nearly there guys :wink:
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 15 Nov 2011, 20:46

I took the briefings from the front page, but I'm not sure they're all totally up to date.
They should be up to date.
Before I sent them I made a few adjustments, some of which we had already discussed, i.e. "butchering them, defenceless as they stand" -> "butchering the defenceless villagers".
I was looking at the two side by side and ended up going with "defenceless as they stand" because I thought it sounded better. But that might be simply because I came up with it. :P So if you think "defenceless villagers" sounds better we'll go with it. Regarding the making a stand thing, I was thinking that since most of the people in the surroundings have joined the rebels yet these very peasants resist the rebels by force (as can be seen in the first mission) it shouldn't really matter if someone interprets it as the loyal villagers making a stand.
* "hath" should only be used for singular nouns, so "they hath" or "the rebels hath" is incorrect
It says "the rebels have" on the first page as well? I hope you took the briefings from the first page quite recently since I've been quietly fixing a bunch of misused "shalt" or "hath" conjugations.
* "thine adversaries defences shall be highly superior" -> "the defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior" (if not this, an apostrophe should at least be added)
Definitely sounds better, but sadly the message is now slightly too long as the last word doesn't appear correctly in the game. :( Any suggestions on how to slightly shorten it?
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 15 Nov 2011, 21:04

They should be up to date.
Ok, I guess I was just confused by the few things I mentioned. Great job on managing that first post by the way, I really appreciate it!
I was looking at the two side by side and ended up going with "defenceless as they stand" because I thought it sounded better. But that might be simply because I came up with it. :P So if you think "defenceless villagers" sounds better we'll go with it. Regarding the making a stand thing, I was thinking that since most of the people in the surroundings have joined the rebels yet these very peasants resist the rebels by force (as can be seen in the first mission) it shouldn't really matter if someone interprets it as the loyal villagers making a stand.
Yeah, fair enough - that sounds ok to me :)
What do you think about, "defenceless though they stand"?
It says "the rebels have" on the first page as well? I hope you took the briefings from the first page quite recently since I've been quietly fixing a bunch of misused "shalt" or "hath" conjugations.
I took them earlier today, so pretty recently :p
There were a mix, some were correct like you say but a few still used "hath". I've corrected all of them now though.
Definitely sounds better, but sadly the message is now slightly too long as the last word doesn't appear correctly in the game. :( Any suggestions on how to slightly shorten it?
Hmm...

I guess this bit can be rephrased: "Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle"
Since you're not really recapturing your castle in order to weaken the enemy, you're recapturing it because it's rightfully yours :p

And maybe "thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thou an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes. ".
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 15 Nov 2011, 21:47

Yeah, fair enough - that sounds ok to me :)
What do you think about, "defenceless though they stand"?
Sounds good, we'll go with it.
I took them earlier today, so pretty recently :p
There were a mix, some were correct like you say but a few still used "hath". I've corrected all of them now though.
Hmm... There are some misused "hath" words in the versions in your quote AFAIK that I've fixed/changed later on. The ones I'm talking about are:
"the rebels hath" - you didn't change it yourself despite pointing it out?
"thy last battles hath emptied" - thy last battles could be replaced with "they", so hath is incorrect
"the scoundrels hath" - same as first case
I guess this bit can be rephrased: "Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle"
Since you're not really recapturing your castle in order to weaken the enemy, you're recapturing it because it's rightfully yours :p

And maybe "thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thou an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes. ".
I added that first part because I wanted it to feel like a make or break moment for the player and wouldn't really want to get rid of it. I like the second suggestion (changed "thou" to "thee" though, I don't think it's correct otherwise), but sadly it didn't help the situation. :(
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 17 Nov 2011, 16:48

Hmm... There are some misused "hath" words in the versions in your quote AFAIK that I've fixed/changed later on. The ones I'm talking about are:
"the rebels hath" - you didn't change it yourself despite pointing it out?
"thy last battles hath emptied" - thy last battles could be replaced with "they", so hath is incorrect
"the scoundrels hath" - same as first case
You're right, my mistake. I did make some changes but apparently missed these ones... although if you have indeed already fixed these in your first post then I suppose it's possible that I got some of my above briefings from the wrong place!
I added that first part because I wanted it to feel like a make or break moment for the player and wouldn't really want to get rid of it. I like the second suggestion (changed "thou" to "thee" though, I don't think it's correct otherwise), but sadly it didn't help the situation. :(
Fair enough...
Perhaps:
  Code:
Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thou in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. The numbers and defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thou an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote] If it needs to be shortened even more then perhaps "perchance thou canst use this opportunity" can be made into "thou must"? My mum has conceded that "flagitious" is valid, but thinks it's a silly word and shouldn't be used unless it's in the game already; "caitiff" should be fine, though. Some more improvements: [code]Our spies have sighted marching enemy troops in the settlements yonder. This doth mean that thine enemy hath indeed captured even these settlements and turned them into military encampments. Thou must needs rid these rebellious soldiers from the land that is rightfully thine and destroy any military buildings they have erected. And forget not, thou shouldst not let any commoners come to harm. [/quote] "nigh" -> "yonder" "in harms way" -> "to harm" [code]Thou hast successfully arrived through the mountains. Our scouts report that thine enemy is already aware of thee and verily prepareth an attack against thee. Make haste to strengthen thy defences by erecting watch towers. Once thou hast successfully eradicated the area of the enemy, thou canst continue thy glorious advance northward to the final bastion of the rebels![/quote] "eradicated the area of the enemy" sounds a bit wrong to me, since it's not really the area you're eradicating; I would suggest: "Only once thou hast successfully cleared the area of thine enemy canst thou continue in thy glorious advance northward, to the final bastion of the rebels!" Or you "once thou hast eradicated the enemy from the area...".
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 17 Nov 2011, 21:49

Fair enough...
Perhaps:
  Code:
Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thou in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. The numbers and defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thou an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote][/quote] I should probably have been clearer, it was just ever so slightly over the limit so no excess cutting was needed. I changed "advantage" to "edge" and the length problem was fixed. This is what it looks like now (also changed two instances of "thou" to "thee"; it should be "thee", shouldn't it?): [code]Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thee in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and the defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thee an edge; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote] [quote="Danjb"]My mum has conceded that "flagitious" is valid, but thinks it's a silly word and shouldn't be used unless it's in the game already; "caitiff" should be fine, though.[/quote] Then caitiff it is! [quote="Danjb"]Some more improvements: [code]Our spies have sighted marching enemy troops in the settlements yonder. This doth mean that thine enemy hath indeed captured even these settlements and turned them into military encampments. Thou must needs rid these rebellious soldiers from the land that is rightfully thine and destroy any military buildings they have erected. And forget not, thou shouldst not let any commoners come to harm. [/quote] "nigh" -> "yonder" "in harms way" -> "to harm"[/quote] "nigh" to "yonder", love it! As for the second change, we already used "come to harm" in the previous briefing so I was looking for some variety by using "in harms way". [quote="Danjb"][code]Thou hast successfully arrived through the mountains. Our scouts report that thine enemy is already aware of thee and verily prepareth an attack against thee. Make haste to strengthen thy defences by erecting watch towers. Once thou hast successfully eradicated the area of the enemy, thou canst continue thy glorious advance northward to the final bastion of the rebels![/quote] "eradicated the area of the enemy" sounds a bit wrong to me, since it's not really the area you're eradicating; I would suggest: "Only once thou hast successfully cleared the area of thine enemy canst thou continue in thy glorious advance northward, to the final bastion of the rebels!" Or you "once thou hast eradicated the enemy from the area...".[/quote] I like the second suggestion better, I'll go with that. Once again, thanks for the feedback! :) Also, added mission 13 (just one more to go!).
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 18 Nov 2011, 11:10

I should probably have been clearer, it was just ever so slightly over the limit so no excess cutting was needed. I changed "advantage" to "edge" and the length problem was fixed. This is what it looks like now (also changed two instances of "thou" to "thee"; it should be "thee", shouldn't it?)
I think "thee" is good... but I think "edge" sounds a bit modern.
"nigh" to "yonder", love it! As for the second change, we already used "come to harm" in the previous briefing so I was looking for some variety by using "in harms way".
Ah, I see... I think "in harms way" maybe sounds a bit modern, though. Also it would need an apostrophe: "in harm's way".
Once again, thanks for the feedback! :)
Also, added mission 13 (just one more to go!).
No problem! I'll check out mission 13 later - good work!
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 20 Nov 2011, 01:40

I think "thee" is good... but I think "edge" sounds a bit modern.
Yeah I was afraid of that. Looking up the word "edge" the word itself seems to be quite old, but it's kind of hard to find out when people started using it to mean "advantage". :?
Ah, I see... I think "in harms way" maybe sounds a bit modern, though. Also it would need an apostrophe: "in harm's way".
Hmm... If you have any other suggestions I'd be more than willing to hear them, just not a fan of reusing the same expression in two consecutive briefings. As for that missing apostrophe, nice catch once again. :)
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 20 Nov 2011, 18:17

Yeah I was afraid of that. Looking up the word "edge" the word itself seems to be quite old, but it's kind of hard to find out when people started using it to mean "advantage". :?
I do think it sounds a bit out of place. Perhaps keep "advantage" but shorten something else, i.e.
  Code:
Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thee in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and the defences of thine adversaries highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thee an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote] I've just taken out a "shall be", since the "wilt be" can apply to both your numbers and the defences of your adversaries. [quote="Litude"]Hmm... If you have any other suggestions I'd be more than willing to hear them, just not a fan of reusing the same expression in two consecutive briefings. As for that missing apostrophe, nice catch once again. :)[/quote] "thou shouldst keep any commoners from harm"?
<<

Litude

User avatar

King Karolus

Posts: 1233

Joined: 01 May 2006, 22:00

Website: http://www.knightsandmerchants.net

Location: Finland

Post 23 Nov 2011, 18:47

  Code:
Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have indeed succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thee in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and the defences of thine adversaries highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall give thee an advantage; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote] I've just taken out a "shall be", since the "wilt be" can apply to both your numbers and the defences of your adversaries.[/quote] That can't be correct, can it? The "and" here is used as a conjunction to connect two clauses together and "the defenses of thine adversaries shalt be highly superior" constitutes a clause of it's own so it has to have a verb. Also it sounds very weird when read out loud? How about "behoof" instead of "edge"? Would it work? [code]Verily, the ambush hath delayed thy troops and the rebels have iwis succeeded in capturing thy fortress. Let not this discourage thee in thy noble quest! Perchance thou canst use this opportunity to weaken the scoundrels' rule by recapturing thy castle. Thou wilt be hugely outnumbered and the defences of thine adversaries shall be highly superior, but thy knowledge of the terrain shall behoof thee; attack not through the main gate, but search for alternate routes.[/quote] [quote="Danjb"]"thou shouldst keep any commoners from harm"?[/quote] How about "thou shouldst not let any commoners be misdone"? By the way, did you find out what was wrong with the expression "tasked nigh all"? Also added mission 14. Please feel free to suggest something completely different for the last sentence. I hate it in its current form.
<<

Danjb

Sword Fighter

Posts: 288

Joined: 14 May 2007, 22:00

Post 27 Nov 2011, 22:00

Just typed out a long reply and accidentally closed the window ;-;

In short:

I think what I wrote is correct, but if it sounds weird then don't worry about it.

I think "behoof" is a noun ("thy knowledge of the terrain shall work to thy behoof"), but that sounds weird to me. Also I'm not sure that's the correct meaning of "misdone" (I think it means "botched").

My mum was unsure about the use of "nigh all" in such a way, but as you said it's used similarly elsewhere in the game I don't think it's a problem.

So what are the current problems exactly?
"Verily, the ambush hath..." is still too long? And do you object to "thou shouldst keep any commoners from harm"?

Sorry for such a rushed reply but I don't have time to re-type everything I wrote :/

Return to “1.60 Patch (Service Release 3)”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests